The Premier League have agreed to relegate Aston Villa after 19 clubs voted for the action during a secret ballot this evening. Villa are assumed to have cast the lone vote against the motion, and have promised to appeal.
“It’s a disgrace,” Villa star Jack Grealish told Soccer on Sunday. “Why us? We’re not even bottom. Why not boot Norwich out of the league? They’d be a pub team without that Pukki bloke. I’m Schindler’s List about this.”
“Secret ballot my arse,” said the England U-21 international. “They’ve ganged up on us because we’re from Birmingham. Now I know how Tommy Shelby felt when the IRA, the Italian mafia, the sneaky Russians, Billy Kimbar’s mob and Alfie Solomon’s lot rounded on him. What had he ever done to them? A few murders, but basically Nowt.”
“Peaky Blinder?” he added. “Pukki Bastard, more like.”