Karius and Alisson

Liverpool’s Champions League final preparations lie in turmoil following the news that Alisson Becker suffered a suspected thigh injury during training. Loris Karius has been recalled from his loan spell at Besiktas and may well start in Madrid come Saturday, given Simon Mignolet’s lack of recent first team action.


Klopp“It’s not cool,” Jürgen Klopp told Soccer on Sunday. “Loris popped his head into the dressing room this morning and shouted, ‘Wazzup Bitches’. Nobody answered and Hendo threw a boot at him, but Loris does not notice these things. He just slid into the room doing ‘The Running Man’, singing ‘Return of the Mack’. Milly burst into tears and soon everyone was crying and wailing. It was a sad moment.”

“Do I play Simon or Loris?” added the former Dortmund manager. “Would you like your balls tasered or your arse lowered into a deep fat fryer? Nobody can answer such questions — there is no good option. On the one hand you have a butterfingered blonde shitebag, and that’s it. There is no other hand.”


KariusKarius insists that he will be ready, if called upon.

“I have unfinished business,” the German told Soccer on Sunday. “Probably nobody remembers, but I didn’t have my best game in last year’s final. I had one of those frustrating, wishy-washy 7 out of 10 performances. When I got home my girlfriend asked how I played, and I said, ‘meh’.”

“I remember Jordan crying at the end,” added Karius. “I told him, ‘Don’t be sad Hendo. I didn’t play well either.’ That seemed to perk him up and he threw a boot at me. In Germany we call this Flüffenheischmeidanhaüfenberg, but I believe you English call it ‘bantz’?”