McCoist Celtic

Ally McCoist has been appointed interim manager of Celtic Football Club following the announcement of Brendan Rodgers’ departure. The native Glaswegian has ample experience of Scottish football, having spent almost 20 years with Rangers as a player and manager.

Excited

McCoist“I’m excited to be here,” the former Scottish international told Soccer on Sunday. “Managing the green and white hoopy scum is a huge honour. It’s my job now to finish what Brendan started, and if I blow it, that’s fine too because I despise this wonderful club and everything it stands for.”

“My message to the wonderful Celtic fans is simple,” said McCoist. “The host and the wine at mass aren’t literally the body and blood of Christ, you pope-sniffing thickos. But as I say, we all need to pull together now and make Celtic Park a fortress of football and consubstantiation.”

“The death threats?” added McCoist. “Water off a duck’s back. It’ll take more than a few thousand letters, forty or fifty bullets in my letterbox and a credible explosive device attached to the undercarriage of my car to run me out of this wonderful, vomit-inducing club.”