Arsène Wenger Given 103 Games To Save His Job

Wenger

Arsène Wenger has been given 103 games to save his job after a loss to Manchester City saw them tumble to 6th place in the Premier League. The Frenchman has been in charge since 1996, but the Arsenal board have given their strongest signal yet that they are prepared to make a change if results don’t improve.

Chips

Chips Keswick

“We’re running out of patience,” Arsenal Chairman Chips Keswick told Soccer on Sunday. “Arsène has 103 games now to convince us that he’s still the right man for the job. And if we don’t see an improvement in those 103 games? Well, Arsène can kiss goodbye to two year extensions. It’ll be 18 month extensions from that point on. We mean business.”

“Will Arsène still be in charge a hundred years from now?” added the millionaire banker. “I hope so, but a lot depends on these next 103 games and advances in medical science. If science can keep him alive as some kind of half-human cyborg, and if results improve, there’s no reason why Arsène can’t still be in charge in 2117. Nothing would make the fans angrier.”

Pressure

Wenger Press ConferenceWenger insists that he does not feel any additional pressure following Chips’ comments.

“No, this is normal,” the Frenchman told Soccer on Sunday. “I had a frank conversation with our CEO Terry Fish, and he gave me the same message as Chips. So Fish and Chips are on the same page. And they have appointed Charlie Vinegar to monitor team performance over the next 103 games. So for now, Vinegar will be over Fish and Chips. There’s a lot to take away, and it’s up to me now to deliver.”

“Of course, it would be a dream to still be here in 2117,” added Wenger. “The fans would go absolutely ape. But all I can do is prepare the team for these next 103 games and hope that science can turn me into some kind of undead, mechanical frankenstein.”