Mikel Arteta has insisted that he was lucky to escape the worst symptoms of Coronavirus despite going bald over a 48 hour period. The Spaniard previously enjoyed a lustrous mane of thick, black hair.
“I feel very fortunate,” Arteta told Soccer on Sunday. “Obviously now I must learn to live as a disgusting bald man. Lorena immediately filed for divorce, citing ‘Irreconcilable Scalp’. She said that she didn’t sign-up to spend the rest of her life with a bad guy from Taken 3, so that’s disappointing.”
“People do treat you differently,” said the former Manchester City coach. “I said ‘Good Morning’ to an elderly neighbour, and she replied, ‘Fuck off, slaphead.'”
“It’s eye opening,” he added. “I did not realise the challenges facing bald people until I became a revolting freak myself.”