Mikel Arteta has confirmed that the Chocolate Labrador called ‘Win’ he introduced to Arsenal’s training ground has been renamed ‘Bottling Shitebag’. The change is intended to reflect the collapse of the Gunners’ title challenge.



“Bottling Shitebag knows he must improve,” Arteta told Soccer on Sunday. “It doesn’t matter if you are a human or a dog, we all must take responsibility. I also have a small horse on my backroom staff called Pony Adams. He must improve too.”

“Maybe there are too many animals,” conceded the 41 year-old. “The players are all human, but the coaches are 50:50 between humans and other species. Denis Oinkamp is a tremendous pig, but I’m not 100% sure what value he adds. Bringing him in might have been a mistake — especially on a 5 year contract.”

“The same with Nicholas Anelka,” he added. “Do we really need an elk in the camp? He gored Granit Xhaka at training this morning, so perhaps the whole animal thing is something we will review.”