Settle the debate please. Who was better, you or Diego Maradona?

Jack, London 

Derek Marawho? Never heard of him.

Which current player reminds you most of yourself?

Des, Ipswich

Dejan Lovren. Sometimes I see him play, and for a moment I think it is footage of Brazil from the world cup in ’70. He out-Pelés Pelé, at times.

You once called Nicky Butt the world’s best player. Were you having some kind of a breakdown?

Jim, Cardiff

Yes, I was under enormous stress at the time. Later the same day I insisted The Monkeys were superior to The Beatles, and that was the last straw for my family. They had me committed to a mental institution in São Paulo, and within a month I remembered that Nicky Butt and The Monkeys were both shite.

If you had erectile dysfunction, would you talk to a doctor?

Daniel, Glasgow

God no. That would be mortifying.