Are you really such an arrogant prick?

Jack, London 

The population of the world is divided into two groups. The first group I call Zlatan, and it contains one person. Zlatan. The second group, I call Miscellaneous, and it contains the other 7.5 billion people on earth. Zlatan should not be called arrogant for merely pointing out that the second group is shit


Zlatan is such a cool name. What does it mean?

Des, Ipswich

‘The Humble One’


Your goal against England was amazing. Did you mean it?

Jim, Cardiff

If Zlatan tried it 1,000 times, Zlatan would score a minimum of 1,000 times. Maybe more


What’s the story with that photo of you and Pique smooching the face of each other?

Daniel, Glasgow

All humans crave sex with Zlatan. Many non-humans too