Aubameyang

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has been fined two weeks salary for arriving 40 minutes late to his first Barcelona training session. The former Arsenal striker joined the Catalan giants on a deadline-day free transfer.

Chillax

“Everyone chillax,” he told soccer on Sunday. “40 minutes late, 40 hours late — who the fuck cares? It’s only stupid training. I had my alarm set, but I pressed snooze 11 times. If the gaffer’s going to throw a wobbler every time I’m late, he’ll be dead from stress within a year.”

“Storm in a teacup,” said the 32 year-old. “The gaffer said he had considered me a future captain, but not any more. So I guess I’ve been pre-stripped of the armband? Captaincy strippings don’t phase me. I quite enjoy them, if I’m honest.”

“What time is training tomorrow?” Aubameyang asked a nearby official. “8 am? I’ll set my alarm for 7:50 and see how it goes. No promises.”