Ben Woodburn Retires from International Football

Ben Woodburn

Ben Woodburn has shocked Welsh fans by retiring from international football after a single cap. The 17 year-old wonderkid made his debut against Austria last week, scoring the winning goal with a stunning 25 yard strike.


Woodburn“The time feels right to walk away,” the Liverpool striker told Soccer on Sunday. “I’ve achieved everything I want at this level. A lot of players hang around too long, and I’d hate to end up like Wayne Rooney during his last 50 caps, lumbering around the pitch like an asthmatic hippo on crack.”

“It’s a relief to know I never have to set foot in Wales again,” added the youngster. “I’d be lying if I said otherwise. It’s a creepy country. The locals always seem to be muttering in welsh and undressing you with their eyes. A nation of perverts, to be fair.”


Chris ColemanChris Coleman admits to being disappointed by Woodburn’s decision.

“I’m gutted about Benny,” the Welsh manager told Soccer on Sunday. “He’s asked for a testimonial, which is a bit cheeky. But the lad’s made up his mind. I told him, ‘You’ll miss playing in front of the Welsh fans Benny. They might be perverts, but they’re as passionate as they come.'”

“Passionate about football, I meant,” added Coleman. “Not about being perverts. Although it’s well documented that they’re that too, to be fair.”