Big Sam Appointed New West Brom Manager

Big Sam West Brom

Sam Allardyce has been appointed manager of West Brom on a 5 year deal that will keep the 63 year-old at The Hawthorns until 2023. The former England manager replaces Tony Pulis, who was sacked on Monday following a weekend hammering to Premier League champions Chelsea.

Basics

Big Sam“It’ll be back to basics,” Big Sam told Soccer on Sunday. “Tony obviously had his philosophy, and it’s a little tippy-tappy for my taste. A lot of passing and fannying about. He’s a good friend of mine Tony, but he’s probably been influenced by Barcelona and other foreigners, to be fair. Well I can assure the fans, the passing and the fannying stops now. I’ll probably get in trouble with the feminists for saying this, but The Hawthorns will be a no fanny zone. ”

“We’ll be looking to lump the ball at every opportunity,” added Allardyce. “Living on scraps and hoping to nick something from set pieces. Other teams will come here with a lot of foreigners and try to play football. I call those ‘football teams’. Well that’s not us. Playing football is not the West Brom way. We’ll hit them with our brand of pukeball and see if they have the stomach for it.”

Impression

MccleanJames McClean admits that Big Sam’s confrontational approach could rub some players up the wrong way.

“He tried to make a big first impression with the lads,” the Irish international told Soccer on Sunday. “He stormed into the dressing room with a wheelie bin and told us to throw our medals in, because the past is gone. We told him we haven’t got any medals. Johnny Evans had a merit award for coming 4th in an Egg and Spoon race at his daughter’s Sports Day. He chucked that in, but the whole thing was a bit awkward.”

“The gaffer explained his philosophy to us,” added McClean. “A few of the lads threw up. Kieran Gibbs burst into tears and tried to down a bottle of bleach. We had to wrestle it out of his hands. Mike, the physio, had to sedate the lad. We’re in hell. I’m very, very tempted to retire.”