Prime Minister Boris Johnson has ordered Troy Deeney to return to training immediately, or face prosecution under emergency legislation. The Watford striker has stated that he will not jeopardise the safety of his family by playing football.
“Deeney?” said Johnson during Downing Street’s daily press briefing. “This is the football — football man, or what have you? Well, we all have children — I myself have anywhere between 4 and 7 at the last count. And we all want what’s best for them — certainly, I wish some of my children well. But my message to Mr Downey is get back to work, or else.”
“Nobody wants to see this Tray Downey chap behind bars, as it were,” said the Prime Minister. “Seems like a bloody good attacker for Watford Rovers, and I believe he has scored a goal, among other achievements.”
“But get back to work immediately Mr Downey,” added Johnson. “Or, you know — it’s the slammer, if you will.”