Carragher Leads Angry Mob to Albert Moreno’s House

Carragher mob

Jamie Carragher has led an angry mob of Liverpool fans to Alberto Moreno’s house in Formby. The club legend blames the Spaniard for Liverpool’s latest defensive collapse in Europe.

Pitchforking

Carragher“Enough’s enough,” the Sky Sports pundit told Soccer on Sunday. “Week-in week-out Moreno costs us points, and now he’s gone and flushed a European win down the shitter. So it’s simple. He either comes out here and takes his pitchforking like a man, or we burn his house to the ground.”

“Nobody likes resorting to violence,” added Carragher. “But fans can’t always sit around waiting for transfer committees to get their act together. Sometimes you just have to get out to the shed, blow the dust off the old pitchfork, assemble a mob, and fork a terrible full-back up the arse. That’s football.”

Conspiracy

MorenoMoreno, currently barricaded into his Formby home, has angrily denied throwing a match to suit his former club Sevilla.

“Nonsense,” the Spanish international told Soccer on Sunday. “I am not dishonest. I’m just crap. Nobody’s more surprised to see me playing for Liverpool than me. I’m not sure what Brendan Rodgers was smoking when he signed me, but it must be strong stuff. I tried to tell him I was crap, but Brendan’s Spanish is iffy. He just replied Gracias Buenas noches burro Pedo, which means Thanks Goodnight Donkey Fart.”

“No way I’m going out there,” Moreno added, when asked if he’d face the mob. “Carragher’s a mentalist. I can see in his eyes that he means business. Nobody deserves a pitchfork up the arse just for being crap.”

KloppKlopp

Manager Jürgen Klopp is reluctant to intervene.

“I feel bad for Alberto,” the German told Soccer on Sunday. “But the fans have a right to express their anger, whether that is booing, or a pitchfork up the hole. This is normal.”