Category: News

Chelsea fail to buy win

Chelsea Chairman Bruce Buck has branded the FA “unprofessional”, after a deal to buy a win for the London club broke down at the 11th hour. “It’s bitterly disappointing,” said Buck. “Everyone…

Mourinho blames Space Monkeys

Jose Mourinho has sensationally accused a species of Space Monkeys for his team’s recent collapse. The under fire Chelsea boss made the claim in a press conference after watching his team surrender…

Wayne Rooney Accused of Getting Older

Wayne Rooney has been sharply criticised after a club medic confirmed that the striker is older now than when first signed by Manchester UTD. The news follows photographs that appeared online, appearing to show a…

Mourinho found in Wenger’s bedroom

Police have removed Jose Mourinho from the bedroom of bitter rival Arsene Wenger. The Chelsea manager was spotted on CCTV shuffling around the room, pawing at photographs and rifling through underwear…

Tim Sherwood signs self

Tim Sherwood has announced the signing of himself, making Tim Sherwood the latest addition to his Villa playing staff. “Tim’s been there, done that,” said Sherwood, referring to himself in…

Kim Jon Un calls Sepp Blatter a ‘Dictator’

Sepp Blatter has been labelled a ‘Dictator’ by Kim Jong Un. “Where’s the transparency?” asked the North Korean supreme leader. “This Blatter guy is taking the piss. He’s accountable to nobody,”…

Allardyce slams God

Sam Allardyce has slammed God in the latest extract from his forthcoming autobiography, ‘Big Sam’. Describing the seven days taken to create the earth as “fannying about”, Allardyce highlighted a number of ways…

Sherwood: Winning isn’t Everything

Tim Sherwood has told his players that they shouldn’t unduly worry about the prospect of relegation this season. Aston Villa have endured a difficult start to their campaign, and many…

Klopp chases Dejan Lovren into nearby forest

Manager Jurgen Klopp has wasted no time stamping his authority at his new club. Fifteen minutes into his first training session, the charismatic German reportedly chased under-fire defender Dejan Lovren…