Rangers Champions

Celtic have confirmed that they will boot Rangers players up the arse as they walk through a guard of honour at Celtic Park this Sunday. It will be the first Old Firm contest since Rangers clinched the title last weekend.

Class

Gerrard

“Credit to the green and white scum,” Rangers boss Steven Gerrard told Soccer on Sunday. “The guard of honour is a touch of class. Our lads getting booted up the arse will be unfortunate, but you take the good with the bad. We’ll be ready with our teeth and buttocks clenched.”

“We’ve had the lads doing squats and lunges,” said the former Liverpool midfielder. “Building up the glutes and other arse muscles. With luck, one or two of the Celtic scum will break their foot on a Rangers arse.”

“This is where we want to be as a club,” he added. “Having our back doors caved in for being successful.”