Cheerful Mourinho Tells Fans to ‘Lighten Up’

Mourinho at presser

José Mourinho has suggested fans should ‘lighten up’ after a stuttering start to the new campaign saw his UTD side suffer a 3 – 2 loss away to Brighton. The Portuguese manager was in typical jokey mood with the assembled press following the defeat.

Chuckles

Mourinho laughing“Chillax, is my message to the fans,” chuckled the former Chelsea manager. “It’s like I tell my players. Did you have fun? Yes? Well that’s the main thing. Let them be all serious about football over there at the Ethi-sad. At Old Trafford, we like fun. Bailly and Lindelöf were feeling down in the dressing room, but I did that weird uncle thing of pretending to steal their noses, and then we all fell around laughing.”

Mood

Mourinho argument with Paul PogbaPaul Pogba has offered a differing account of the dressing room mood following the defeat.

“I’ve never seen so much blood,” the UTD captain told Soccer on Sunday. “The gaffer tried to rip Bailly’s nose off his face with his bare hands. It took three of us to pull him off the poor lad. Then he lunged at Lindelöf’s nose, and only for he slipped in Bailly’s blood he’d have had him too.”

“The gaffer just kept laughing and screaming that he is a Bantersaurus Rex,” said Pogba. “He spent fifteen minutes smearing Bailly’s blood onto his face like warpaint without breaking eye contact with Luke Shaw once. Poor Shawsy went into a panic and pissed down his own leg.”

“But as I said, it’s up to us now to turn things around on the pitch,” added the World Cup winning midfielder.