Shrinking ray

Brian Townsend (29) has admitted shooting Jordan Pickford with a shrinking ray during yesterday’s clash between Everton and City. İlkay Gündoğan swept a free kick into the net past a seemingly negligible Pickford.


“He was tiny,” said Roy Keane on Sky Sports. “Ok, the lad’s been hit with a shrinking ray from the stand — that’s something the security staff will want to look at. But you’ve got to make yourself big. That only becomes more important if you’ve been hit with a shrinking ray. If the ray has taken 20% off you, make yourself big and cancel it out.”

“Listen, nobody likes being shrunk,” said the Irishman. “But the little T-Rex arms on him will be a massive worry for Sean Dyche. I’m hearing that the lad’s DNA is 18% or 19% T-Rex. You might get away with that as a false 9, but it’s a bad recipe for a goalkeeper.”

“Did the ray shrink his brain too?” he added. “Shocking stuff.”