City deduction

Liverpool have been gifted a lifeline in this season’s title race with the news that Man City are to be docked 3 points. The champions have been accused of ‘tapping up’ new signing Erling Haaland last summer.

Penalty

“I respect the league’s decision,” Pep Guardiola told Soccer on Sunday. “Obviously they’re cheating cunts who just want Liverpool to win, but this is normal. The whole universe supports Liverpool. God is probably sitting on a cloud right now wearing a jersey with ‘Origi’ on the back.”

“Did I travel to Dortmund last summer?” said the 51 year-old. “Yes. Did I give Erling an illegal handjob to close the deal? Of course. But do not tell me that Jürgen has not used handjobs in this way. I’m 100% sure he pulled the salami off Luis Diaz in January. The rules must be for all managers, no?”

“This is not important in this moment,” he added, when asked if he will comply with the Premier League ban on handjobs going forward.