Dead Badger Halts Construction on Spurs Stadium

Spurs stadium and badger

Construction on Tottenham Hotspur’s new stadium was halted today following the discovery of a dead badger in The South Stand. According to the 1981 Wildlife and Countryside Act, the whole site must now be inspected for further badgers before work continues — a process that could take months.

Experts

Daniel Levy“I don’t accept that the badger died as a result of negligence,” Spurs CEO Daniel Levy told Soccer on Sunday. “We consulted our own team of badger experts, and it’s clear that the badger died of a massive heart attack before the cement truck drove over him. There’s even some evidence that the carcass might have been planted. Would someone from Arsenal stoop that low? That’s not for me to say.”

“I wish to apologise to the fans,” added Levy. “Nobody wants this stadium finished more than I do, but there’s a dead badger in the morgue and we have to let the law run its course.”

Denial

EmeryUnai Emery denies that Arsenal played any part in the delayed construction.

“No, we had nothing to do with this,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “I asked my staff and my players, ‘Did any of you plant a dead badger over at the Spurs stadium?’ They all said no, and I believe them. Just because Danny Welbeck was photographed this morning walking towards White Hart Lane with a dead badger under his arm, people put 2 and 2 together and get 4.”