Ecuador

Amnesty International have called for the immediate release of the Ecuador men’s football squad following their arrest this evening. 26 Ecuadorian players were taken straight to Doha’s notorious ‘Central Prison’ following their 2 – 0 World Cup win over host nation Qatar.

Jail

“More media lies,” spokesman Hassan Al Thawadi told Soccer on Sunday. “Most of the players will be granted clemency by His Highness in 6 or 7 years, but of course the West reacts as though they have been jailed for life. Yes, 1 or 2 might be executed, but these things even themselves out over a tournament.”

“Scoring against Qatar is now banned,” said the official. “We apologise to the Ecuador players for not making this law sooner, but in Qatar, a law not yet existing is no excuse for it being broken. In fact, we throw the book at any filth who breaks a law that we make up afterwards.”

“Scoops?” he added to the assembled journalists, mimicking the drinking of a pint. “Only joking, there’ll be none of that carry on you cunts.”