Pool midfield

Liverpool FC was plunged into mourning today, as news emerged that its entire midfield has died of natural causes. The elderly quartet of Jordan Henderson, James Milner, Thiago Alcantara and Fabinho died peacefully in their sleeps.



“The boys will be missed,” Jürgen Klopp told Soccer on Sunday. “We knew it was any day now with Milly, but it’s a shock to lose all four overnight. Our thoughts and prayers are with their wives, their children, their grandchildren, and of course, their great grandchildren — some of whom now have their own children, I’m told.”

“For sure, we will rebuild,” said the German. “The midfield has been like an episode of The Walking Dead this season. This much is clear. In the future we will refresh the side when players are almost dead, instead of when they are fully dead. It’s about staying one step ahead of the Grim Reaper.”

“Of course, it’s emotional,” he added. “But we bury the boys, sign players who are alive, and keep going.”