Everton are reportedly close to appointing randomer Vitor Pereira as manager on a 3 year-deal. The Premier League club dispensed with the services of Rafael Benitez last week.


Bill Kenwright

“It’s exciting,” Chairman Bill Kenwright told Soccer on Sunday. “We interviewed some of the most talented randomers in European football, and Whatshisface stood head and shoulders above the rest. I can’t think of his name right now, but he gets the DNA of Everton. Victor Pony? It’ll come to me.”

“This is a turning point,” said the 76 year-old. “We have a talented squad, the best fans in the world, and a world class randomer at the helm. Richard Pepperoni, or whatever his stupid name is, is a credit to whichever country he’s from. I want to say France? Or Peru, maybe?”

“Vincent Petroleum?” he added.