FA Charge Arsenal and Spurs with ‘Handbags’

Handbags

Arsenal and Spurs have been charged with ‘Handbags’ by the FA following a feisty London derby at the Emirates yesterday. Each club has 24 hours to respond to the charge, which carries with it a potential 3 point deduction and 7 figure fine.

Innocent

Pochettino“We are innocent,” Mauricio Pochettino told Soccer on Sunday. “You could see in the eyes of the Arsenal players that they wanted handbags. Harry Kane has a scratch on his arm that you wouldn’t believe. It’s hard to see in this light, but it’s half an inch long and nearly broke the skin. You’d swear he was attacked by a gerbil. My players only handbagged in self defence.”

“Someone could have been killed,” added the Argentinian. “I agree that handbags must be tackled, but we must also bear in mind who is the handbagger and who is the handbagee.”

Nonsense

EmeryUnai Emery denies that his players instigated the handbags.

“Nonsense,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “The Tottenham players knew they could not win the football, so they resorted to handbags. Aaron Ramsey was pinched below his left nipple and it’s gone sort of greenish-brown. What am I supposed to tell his wife? I promised all the wives that their husbands would be safe at Arsenal Football Club. But these Tottenham animals come to our stadium and try to kill us with their handbags.”

“Where is the protection?” added the Spaniard. “From handbags.”