Cesc Fàbregas has been spotted wandering aimlessly around an empty Etihad stadium more than a day after Chelsea’s limp showing against Manchester City. The Spaniard was among several players criticised for a lack of effort during the 1 – 0 loss to the league’s runaway leaders.
“Excuse me mate,” Fàbregas told Soccer on Sunday. “Can you tell me what day it is? I was playing a match here with Chelsea and I kind of zoned out. I think they might have left without me. Can you ring Antonio Conte and tell him that I need collecting? And can you ask him to bring a McDonalds? I’d eat a nun’s arse through a convent gate, I’m so hungry.”
“What year is it?” added the former Barcelona midfielder. “Do you know if my wife remarried? Last thing I remember is enjoying a pleasant walk against City, and now I have no idea if I’ve been legally declared dead.”
Antonio Conte admits that he is confused.
“Who are we talking about again?” he told Soccer on Sunday. “Fàbregas? Ginger guy with googly eyes? No? Then I think you have the wrong team.”
“Oh, Cesc!” added the Italian. “Sorry, of course. He’s where? At The Etihad? What’s he doing there? The game ended yesterday. He wants to be collected with a McDonalds? Did he mention nuggets? What sauce? Did he say anything about a McFlurry?”