Ferdinand Appointed UTD Director of Football and Fashion

Rio and Ole

Rio Ferdinand has been appointed Manchester UTD’s Director of Football and Fashion in a five year deal worth a reported £3 million per-annum. The former defender has promised to support Ole Gunnar Solskjaer while giving the club’s clothing line a fresh new look.


Ferdinand“I can’t wait to start,” Ferdinand told Soccer on Sunday. “Training tops, sneakers, baseball caps — thankfully my own label already churns out all that gear from a sweatshop in Vietnam. It’s just a matter of slapping a UTD logo on the front and asking the kids to work longer hours for less money. Simples.”

“Some of the younger kids might struggle,” added the former English international. “But you get what you pay for with child labour. Shorter breaks and harsher conditions will separate the 4 to 6 year old men from the 4 to 6 year old boys.”


Solskjaer presserSolskjaer insists that he is excited by the prospect of working with his former teammate again.

“Rio’s got that football brain,” the Norwegian told Soccer on Sunday. “He said we should focus on winning matches instead of drawing or losing, and play free-flowing, attacking football. When I asked for specifics, he said ‘Like Guardiola’. Credit to him, he just sat in silence then, letting me soak in the information.”

“Signings came up too,” added Solskjaer. “Rio suggested we buy better players than other teams have, for cheaper than they paid for theirs. I asked for a little more detail, but he had to shoot off to Dizzy Rascal’s album launch.”