Frank Lampard has cancelled his retirement to sign for Birmingham City on a one year deal. The three-time Premier League winner enjoyed a swansong with New York City last year, but Harry Redknapp managed to tempt his nephew with a new challenge.
“I’m over the Wooden Spoon,” the former Spurs manager told Soccer on Sunday. “I got Frank on the Dog and Bone yesterday and asked him to swing by the Cat and Mouse. The dozy slag hadn’t a Scooby Doo what I wanted to Bubble and Squeak about.”
“I took a Butchers in his Mince Pies,” said Redknapp, “and told him, ‘It’s time to get off the Nat King Cole Frank. Fancy a Corn on the Cob?’ ‘Are you ‘Avin a Giraffe Uncle ‘Arry?’ he says. But I laid out my Jackie Chan, explained the whole Jack’n’Nory, and Bish Bash Bosh, Bob’s Your Uncle.”
“Cushdy,” added Redknapp.
Lampard insists that he isn’t phased by criticism of his U-Turn.
“I couldn’t give a Kate Moss,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “The Linen Drapers can write what they want, James Blunts can Adam’n’Eve what they want. But I’m not here because it’s a nice little Tina Turner, or as some kind of Cheesy Quaver to Uncle ‘Arry. Brass Band on Jam Tart, I’m here to win Cuts and Scratches. Capiche?”
“Lovely-Jubbly,” added Lampard.