Gareth Bale has signed for Manchester UTD on a 5 year deal worth a reported £400k per-week. The four-time Champions League winner had been deemed surplus to requirements at the Bernabéu by Zinedine Zidane.
“It was very straightforward,” Ole Gunnar Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “I looked Gareth straight in the eye and asked if he still had that hunger. ‘No’, he told me. Then I threatened to kill myself if he didn’t sign. As I say, it was very straightforward.”
“The language could be a problem,” added the Norwegian. “Credit to Gareth, he never learned Spanish so there’s nothing to un-learn there. But the lad’s not spoken English in a few years. I’ve asked the players to learn Welsh, but Pogba says he won’t. So it’s a bit of a stand-off, to be fair. I’ve banned all languages for the time being to avoid a mutiny. Everyone’s communicating via the medium of dance, which obviously puts Jesse in pole position for the captaincy.”
Bale himself insists that he is happy with the move.
“I can’t wait to get half-started,” he told Soccer on Sunday via a Welsh translator. “Golf is my priority. Then Emma and the kids. Then my best mate Lllywwnynl from Cardiff. Then some other bits’n’bobs, and then football. So I can assure the fans that I will be giving it more or less my all for this wonderful shirt, a good bit of the time.”
“See you later,” added Bale. “If the gaffer asks, myself and Alexis Sánchez are sneaking in a crafty 72 holes down the road, so we won’t be at training.”