Garry Monk Sacked by Leeds After One Week

Garry Monk

Leeds UTD have sacked Garry Monk after less than a week in the job. The former Swansea man becomes the 7th manager in 2 years to receive his marching orders from owner Massimo Cellino.

Disappointing

Leeds Manager Garry Monk“It’s bitterly disappointing,” Monk told Soccer on Sunday. “I met Mr Cellino in his office last week to sign the contract. As soon as I put the pen down he told me that I was suspended without pay pending an investigation of my performance. I’d only been in the job 8 or 9 seconds. Two of his goons marched me out of Elland Road like a criminal, and threw me into a puddle. Totally unnecessary.”

“It was downhill from there,” added Monk. “Mr Cellino set a target of 9 points for June. I explained that the season doesn’t start until August, but he said he wanted results — not excuses. Then he called me a Zenzero Puttana, which I think is Italian for Ginger Whore.”

Backwards

Leeds owner CellinoCellino insists that he made the right call.

“The Zenzero Puttana’s ideas had gone stale,” the Italian told Soccer on Sunday. “Matches or no matches, the results just weren’t there. Also, I consulted my gypsy and she told me that Monk was Ted Bundy in a former life. Bundy killed 30 women. Shame on Monk, the serial-killing little Zenzero Puttana. Leeds UTD will not tolerate violence against women.”

“At this time, I’d like to announce that I appointed Paul Ince as manager of Leeds UTD an hour ago,” added Cellino. “I’d also like to announce that I terminated the contract of Paul Ince forty minutes ago. Leeds UTD would like to thank Paul for all of his hard work and commitment, and wish him well in his future career.”

Brown

Phil BrownPhil Brown confirms that he has been approached about the vacant position.

“Mr Cellino asked if I’d mind being pre-sacked, without even taking charge,” the Southend manager told Soccer on Sunday. “I said not at all. Being pre-sacked by a club of Leeds UTD’s stature is a dream come true.”