Gerrard Sacked After Poor Opening to Season

Gerrard

Steven Gerrard has been sacked by Rangers FC after a poor opening to the season that has seen The Gers collect only a single point. The Liverpool legend had only been in charge for one game, but the board have moved swiftly after a gap opened up between Rangers and bitter Glasgow rivals Celtic.

Disappointed

Gerrard“Obviously I’m disappointed,” Gerrard told Soccer on Sunday. “Ideally I’d have liked another game, but the results weren’t there. The players, the coaching staff, all the people behind the scenes — they’ve all let me down terribly. I wish them well, even though hanging’s too good for them.”

“There’s still plenty of positives,” said the former England captain. “Obviously it wasn’t safe to bring Alex and the girls to a place like Scotland, so I’m looking forward to seeing my family again. It’s well documented that there isn’t internet or phones in Scotland, so we’ve only been able to communicate once or twice by telegram. Last telegram I received said ‘CHIP PAN ON FIRE’, so I’m hoping that my family is alive. That would be a bonus.”

“I’d like to thank the Rangers fans,” added Gerrard. “But I can’t. They’ve been awful. Whether it’s the pidgin English, the drooling, or the way they undress you with their eyes, they just give me the heebie-jeebies. It’s like a zombie apocalypse up here. Could the government be doing more to warn people about going to Scotland? That’s not for me to say.”