Pep Guardiola has agreed to share Manchester City’s league title with rivals Liverpool after a record-breaking race for the Premier League crown. City’s 98 point haul was enough to pip Liverpool at the post during several months of mutually flawless run-in.
“I am happy to share this title with Liverpool,” Guardiola told Soccer on Sunday. “I suggested taking the trophy during the week and Jürgen having it on weekends, but then he got me in a headlock and began ramming my head into a wall and we agreed the trophy would stay in his house for the foreseeable future.”
“He also ripped the medal from my neck and held it too high for me to reach,” added the former Barcelona manager. “There was a Skinny Jeans sale in Next, so I had to leave without the medal. I did get eight pairs of extra-tight crotch Levis though, so it’s true these things even themselves out over a season.”
Klopp insists that a share of the spoils is no more than Liverpool deserve.
“Pep came to the right conclusion,” the German told Soccer on Sunday. “Nobody enjoys damaging a plasterboard wall with a colleague’s skull, but sometimes violence is all these Tiki-takka fundamentalists understand. Pep knows that he is welcome to come see the trophy any time.”
“So long as he rings ahead,” added Klopp. “If the doorbell goes unexpectedly halfway through Game of Thrones, so help me I’ll put his baldy head clean through the wall.”