Guardiola and Mansour

Pep Guardiola has been summoned by Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour to a crisis beheading in Abu Dhabi. Chelsea ended the club’s ‘Quadruple’ dream with a 1 – 0 win in yesterday’s FA Cup semi-final.

Execution

“I look forward to the trip,” Guardiola told Soccer on Sunday. “For sure, I might be sacked or beheaded. We will discuss all of these things. I would prefer not to be sacked — or beheaded, frankly. But His Highness makes these decisions. This is normal.”

“We are still in three competitions,” said the former Barcelona boss. “I would like to help the team if I am still alive, but the most important thing is the players. Whether I am beheaded or not is a small detail.”

“My wife knows my final wishes,” he added. “Bury me in skinny jeans, with my head reattached if possible.”