Solskjaer at the Etihad

A heavily-armed Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has arrived at The Etihad demanding the 2020/2021 Premier League trophy. It is one of numerous titles Manchester City could be stripped of due to financial rule breaches.


“Nobody wants bloodshed,” Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “But I’m not leaving here without that trophy, and if that means forcing Pep — who I admire greatly — to deep-throat the barrel of this shotgun, then that’s football. You take the good with the bad. Pep knows that.”

“Just give me my fucking trophy and nobody gets hurt,” said the 49 year-old, firing several shots into the ceiling of the Etihad reception area.

“Get off me you ginger cunt,” roared Solskjaer after Kevin De Bruyne lunged for the gun, resulting in a brief struggle. “I’m not here to hurt anyone. I just want my trophy.”

“I can’t even get a job at Molde,” added Solskjaer, beginning to sob. “The stink of failure.”