Harry Kane is facing a minimum of two years on the treatment table after a surgical cock-up at the Royal London Hospital this morning. Kane fractured his Fibula during Spurs’ Champions League quarter-final, and the club have since confirmed that a surgeon operated on the wrong ankle.
“It was just one of those things,” Dr John Waters told Soccer on Sunday. “The patient database went haywire and by the time I reached theatre someone had already circumcised Mr Kane for no reason. Then I came steaming in with the wrong chart and broke and reset his good ankle. The poor lad wasn’t even under anaesthetic.”
“I eventually did his bad ankle too,” added Waters. “But by then I had the hump and I’ve maybe taken it out on Mr Kane. It wasn’t my best work, if I’m honest. Both ankles will probably need to be looked at again, and the penis looks botched too. Nobody has come out of this looking good, to be fair.”