Jürgen Klopp booted returning playmaker Philippe Coutinho up the hole at Melwood today. The Brazilian was training for the first time since failing to engineer a move to Barcelona during the summer transfer window.
“Everything is fine with Phil,” the German told Soccer on Sunday. “He was doing some exercises, I spotted a chance to smash his backdoor in, and I took it. My approach was good, the contact was good. All good. Phil will be out for a few weeks while he gets some surgery on his butthole, and we’ll move on. This is normal.”
“This wasn’t an emotional hole booting,” added Klopp. “Sometimes I’m sad or I’m angry, but I don’t turn around and boot James Milner or my wife up the hole. This was purely a professional hole booting to draw a line under some things. Phil understands.”
Coutinho insists that the booting was welcome.
“Coming back was awkward,” the Brazilian international told Soccer on Sunday. “I was nervous. But when the gaffer snuck up and unleashed hell on my arse, it really broke the ice. And also my tailbone. The rest of the lads gave me a guard of honour while the paramedics were putting me face down into the ambulance. That meant a lot.”
“Now I just want to concentrate on my football,” added Coutinho. “The surgeon says my arse might never be 100% again. Both cheeks collapsed, and there’s talk of replacing my anus with a titanium butthole. But I’m determined to come back stronger, on the pitch and the toilet bowl.”