Jürgen Klopp has been spotted bundling Nathaniel Clyne into a van at gunpoint outside Bournemouth’s training ground in Dorset. Klopp originally allowed the England international to join Bournemouth on loan, but Liverpool’s injury crisis appears to have prompted a rethink.
“It happened so fast,” Eddie Howe told Soccer on Sunday. “I was standing in the carpark talking to the missus when a van screeched up. Jürgen jumps out and without saying a word starts pistol-whipping myself and Vicki. I managed to crawl in under the van, so Vicki took the brunt of it, to be fair.”
“Clyney comes walking out and just freezes,” added the Bournemouth manager. “So Klopp fires a warning shot into the air and says, ‘Get in the van if you want to live.’ The warning shot must have hit something, because a dead swan falls out of the sky and smashes down on Vicki’s mallet.”
“That was it,” said Howe. “When the van pulled out I shouted, ‘Up yours Klopp, you shitebag’. He stops the van and gets out. ‘Who said that?’ I point at the missus and say, ‘her’. I don’t know why I’ve said that, but before I can correct myself, he’s pistol-whipped Vicki again.”
“It’ll be the couch for me tonight,” he added.