Jürgen Klopp has taken to collecting loose change outside Anfield in order to fund the purchase of transfer target Thiago Alcântara. The club has so far refused to meet Bayern’s valuation of the highly-rated midfielder.
“No, it’s not cool,” Klopp told Soccer on Sunday. “I would rather be coaching the boys instead of begging for shrapnel. But John Henry is a tight-fisted cunt and so we must look for solutions. Otherwise it’s another season of Gini — we said goodbye and gave him a cake last week and now he’s still here. It’s awkward, if I’m honest.”
“We found 6.2 trillion Croatian Kuna in Dejan’s old locker,” said the German. “Turns out that’s only 4 British pounds. Still, every little helps.”
“I’ll do anything but another Nivea ad,” added Klopp. “I’d rather smear donkey shit on my face than any more of that gunge.”