Jürgen Klopp has declared Liverpool’s first title of the Premier League era a certainty following City’s late collapse against Wolves. The German insists that failure is now unrealistic given his side’s 13 point lead.
“For sure, the league’s in the bag,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “It’s un-fuckup-able. Obviously there’s stuff you can’t legislate for. Bobby arrested for murdering a homeless albino, Hendo filmed fellating a horse — these things are unlikely, but we will deal with them if and when they happen.”
“Mo breaks both his legs retrieving his son’s frisbee from a nearby tree, ” added the former Dortmund manager. “I’m just spitballing here. Mo doesn’t even have a son.”
“It’s hard to stay motivated,” admitted Klopp. “The league will be wrapped up by late February, and I couldn’t give a shit who plays afterwards. I might re-sign Robbie Fowler and make him captain. Or Rush. Who cares?”