Kyle Walker Drives 280 Miles to Purchase Exotic Hamster

Walker and Hamster

Kyle Walker has refused to apologise for breaking pandemic ‘lockdown’ rules, driving 280 miles to purchase a rare exotic Guatemalan hamster in Plymouth. The City defender was recently slammed for travelling long distances to visit family members and holding sex parties with prostitutes.

Victim

Walker“It’s a witch hunt,” Walker told Soccer on Sunday. “All I’m doing is having sex with prostitutes and buying the odd hamster, but the press treat me like a criminal. The Daily Mail pictured me side-by-side with Pablo Escobar and called me ‘Pablo Hamsterbar’. That isn’t right.”

“I’m entitled to buy a hamster,” said the England international. “The press love joining the dots between the sexy party and the hamster, but one has nothing to do with the other. It’s not like I’m having sex with the hamster. Some people enjoy that kind of thing — hamstering, I believe they call it — but that ain’t me.”

“To be clear, I condemn hamstering,” added Walker.