Lampard Everton

Frank Lampard has been appointed Everton manager on a 3 year deal worth a reported £7 million per-year. The Londoner has not managed since being sacked by Chelsea last season.



“I’m delighted,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “Everybody knows how much I love Chelsea Football Club. Did I say Chelsea? Not sure why I said that. As I say, I have a job to do here now at Goodison and I miss Chelsea so much that sometimes I think my heart might stop beating from sadness.”

“It’s my job now to motivate these players,” said the 43 year-old. “Playing for Chelsea Football Club is a privilege. And by Chelsea, I obviously mean Everton. Me and JT, flicking one another’s soapy buttocks with our towels in the shower after a game at The Bridge. Where was I going with this?”

“Chelsea Football Club,” he whispered, eyes reddening, gazing wistfully over the assembled media and into the middle distance.