Lampard Sacked After Furious Bust-up with Abramovich

Lampard driving

Frank Lampard has been sacked less than a week after becoming the first English manager of Chelsea football club in more than two decades. The midfield legend reportedly had to be physically separated from owner Roman Abramovich during a transfer budget meeting.

Disappointing

Lampard“It’s disappointing,” Chelsea’s all-time record goalscorer told Soccer on Sunday. “It was a good meeting with Roman on his yacht until he spotted Loose Women on a TV in the background. ‘Ya by dal eto Kristine Blikli’, he says in Russian. The translator takes a gulp and says, ‘I’d give that Christine Bleakley one.'”

“That’s when the red mist comes down,” said Lampard. “Before I know it I’ve head-butted Dimitri, the translator. He’s turtled up on the floor and I’m smashing him over the back with Roman’s replica Champions League trophy. Then Roman’s joined in and he’s going to work on Dimitri’s legs with a Europa Cup replica. After 30, 35 minutes I’ve stopped and thought, ‘Hang on, am I shooting the messenger here?'”

Goons

“So I give Dimitri one for the road, hand the trophy to Roman and tell him to stick his job,” he said. “That really sends Roman into a rage, when Dimitri whimpers the translation. He calls in six or seven goons to topple a pool table over onto the poor lad, which was out of order.”

“The table wasn’t out of order,” added Lampard. “Toppling it onto Dimitri was, just in case that wasn’t clear. The Poolmaster 5000 is a quality table, to be fair.”