Frank Lampard has been confirmed as the worst manager in the history of organised sports by a newly-published Harvard study. The meta-analysis examined over 100 years of results from 93 distinct sports.
“No, it’s not a nice feeling,” Lampard told Soccer on Sunday. “Being the worst manager in the history of sport is exactly what every manager strives to avoid. But it only makes me more determined to roll my sleeves up and become the second worst manager in the history of sport, and hopefully use that as a springboard.”
“Not necessarily,” said the 44 year-old, when asked if he accepts the study’s findings. “It’s well-documented that the Kazakhstan national Judo team didn’t win a match between 1928 and 1932, so how am I ranked below Kairatovich Nurgozhin? And what about Zhāng Wěi? He slaughtered the entire Japanese badminton team in 1948 with a Samurai sword.”
“17 little asians brown bread, mostly decapitated,” he added. “Each found with a shuttlecock stuffed in their mouth. I’ve lost a few games, but I’ve never stooped to anything like that, to be fair.”