Crouch

The FA have confirmed that larger footballs and player height limits are among rule changes being considered for the 2021/2022 season. Tweaks to unpopular VAR laws are also likely prior to resumption of competitions.

Changes

William

“The new rules are exciting,” said His Royal Highness Prince William, FA President. “Doubling the size and trebling the weight of footballs is something that we’re determined to do, although I’d be lying if I said I could remember why. Sounds like a terrible idea, but we’ll review three years from now. I suspect we’ll return to the old shape and weight in 2024.”

“Height limits are a must,” the 39 year-old monarch told Soccer on Sunday. “Market research shows that regular people find tall, gangly freaks disturbing. There’s no reason why Peter Crouch should ever happen again.”

“Stilts for goalkeepers?” he added. “I’m spitballing here now. We might not do that one.”