Leicester City’s title bid was dealt a cruel blow today, with the FA confirming that the East Midlands club will be docked 5 points. The punishment threatens to undermine Leicester’s unlikely march towards Premier League glory, and what has been one of football’s great underdog stories.
The FA charge relates to violations in the preparation of the visitor’s dressing room at the King Power Stadium.
“Every trick in the book,” FA chairman Greg Dyke told Soccer on Sunday. “Turning the radiators down to make the room chilly, leaving permanent markers beside the whiteboard, loosening a wire to make the light flicker. Name a dark art, and Leicester have been up to their armpits in it, the crafty little shits.”
“They even put single ply bog roll in the toilet,” added Dyke. “That stuff is like sandpaper. Leicester know full well that regulations demand 3 ply, quilted bog roll.”
Manager Claudio Ranieri believes Leicester have been singled out.
“It’s very disappointing,” the Italian told Soccer on Sunday. “Titles should be decided on the pitch, not by which club has the fanciest toilet roll. And why pick on Leicester? The away dressing room at White Hart Lane has a hedgehog living in it. Jamie Vardy nearly pulled a hamstring when it chased him across the room. The whole squad had to stand on chairs while we got changed.”
“And don’t get me started on The Emirates,” he added. “There’s a painting of Mr Wenger on the wall, but the eyes sometimes blink. It is clear that the real Wenger is on the other side spying through the eyeholes.”
Gary Lineker believes that his former club should fight the charge.
“It’s time to go ape,” the Match of the Day presenter told Soccer on Sunday. “By all means, take it to the courts. But if that doesn’t work, we should resort to violence. Give me 6 fans with Samurai swords, and I’ll head down to the FA headquarters and get those points back.”