Mbappé and Origi

Liverpool are considering a bid for Kylian Mbappé to provide cover for rarely-used squad player Divock Origi. Mbappé’s stock has plummeted following a disastrous Euros campaign with France.



“Our requirement is not complex,” Jürgen Klopp told Soccer on Sunday. “We need a human with a pulse to sit on the bench if that clumsy oaf Divock falls down a well, or whatever. Kylian is similar to Divock — shite at football. So the cover is like-for-like.”

“Now is a good time to buy,” said the German. “We’re prepared to offer PSG a set of almost new training cones and bibs, and 6 or 7 pounds in cash. It might even be 8 pounds — I haven’t counted all the coins.”

“I might even throw in a Flüffenhoppenheimerstag,” added Klop. “That’s a traditional German wire brush for tending to one’s scrotum. Worth at least 3 pounds, so the ball is in PSG’s court.”