Liverpool have added 50p and an unopened jar of Nutella to their bid for highly-regarded Belgian midfielder Roméo Lavia. The Merseysiders have already seen three offers rejected by Southampton.


John Henry

“I can confirm that the Nutella is effectively unopened,” Liverpool owner John Henry told Soccer on Sunday. “The plastic seal was broken due to a miscommunication, but Southampton have my word that none of the delicious contents were removed. I’ve ordered a full inquiry into the breaking of the seal, and the person or persons responsible will be held accountable.”

“The 50p will be structured as add-ons,” said the 73 year-old. “20p up front, with an additional 10p every season Roméo wins the Golden Boot and Ballon d’Or, receives no yellow cards, and plays every minute of every game at both club and international level.”

“I’ve just been informed that the Nutella might be out of date,” he added. “But I’ve been advised that ‘best before’ dates are only a guideline. According to our medical department, eating the spread might cause a dose of the shits, but the chances of hospitalisation are less than 50:50.”