Manchester City have lodged an official bribe with the Court of Arbitration in response to UEFA’s 2 year ban from European competition. Brown envelopes stuffed with £10 notes were hand-delivered to CAS investigators this morning by City legend Shaun Goater.
“The bribe has been lodged,” Pep Guardiola told Soccer on Sunday. “Now we must let corruption run its course. There’s plenty more where this bribe came from, if these CAS dorks want to eat lobster and snort coke off the bare arses of high-class transexual prostitutes.”
“That’s just an example,” said the former Barcelona manager. “They may wish to spend the money on groceries instead of the transexual thing.”
“I trust my chairman,” added Guardiola. “If he says this is the correct amount to bribe an official, I have no reason to doubt him. He’s had people killed, so bribing is child’s play, to be fair.”