Kylian Mbappé has poured cold water on a bid from Tottenham Hotspur as his stand-off with PSG enters its fourth week. The French superstar is widely-expected to join Real Madrid as a free agent next summer.



“Who?” said Mbappé, when informed of the Spurs bid. “Never heard of them. Is it a brand new club or something? Anyway, they sound shite.”

“Oh, so that’s where the word ‘Spursy’ comes from?” he said, after a nearby aide explained. “I always thought that was just a made-up word, but I use it all the time. My mate Pierre bottled it on the black in a game of pool last night and I called him a Spursy cunt.”

“They really bid for me?” said the 24 year-old. “Are they high on crack? Tell them not if they were the last football team on earth. I would take a toaster into the bath before degrading myself in this way.”

“I’m embarrassed for them,” he added. “Tell them this.”