Mbappe injured

Kylian Mbappé has been ruled out of tonight’s crucial Champions League last 16 clash at Old Trafford, tipping the balance in Manchester UTD’s favour. PSG Stars Neymar Jr and Edison Cavani had already been ruled out with injury before the French international fractured his penis in a freak accident.

Freak

Mbappé“It was just one of those things,” Mbappé told Soccer on Sunday. “I was in a hurry, towelling off after a shower and I heard a crack. Unfortunately, my penis has maybe not expected the vigour of the towelling and it’s come off second best. As I say, it was just one of those things.”

“An X-ray confirmed the worst,” added the World Cup winner. “Fractures of the 4th and 5th Dickatarsals. Doctors say that if I get an erection I could lose my penis, so I’ve been prescribed a wallet photo of Caitlyn Jenner when she was still Bruce. We talked about maybe a post-op picture of Caitlyn, but it’s too risky.”

Delighted

Solskjaer presserOle Gunnar Solskjaer admits that he is delighted to face a PSG side shorn of so much talent.

“It’s always nice when a fellow pro gets injured,” the Norwegian told Soccer on Sunday. “Everybody likes to see that. The longer the injury the better. There’s nothing like hearing about a broken leg or a fractured penis in the morning to get the juices flowing.”

“My thoughts and prayers aren’t with him,” added Solskjaer. “I’d be lying if I wished Mbappé a speedy recovery from his Mbroken Mboner.”