Lionel Messi has withdrawn his transfer request and signalled that he will remain at Barcelona for the coming season. The Argentinian insists that he never intended to leave the Catalan club.


Messi“Leave Barcelona?” he told Soccer on Sunday. “No, that was just a bit of transfer banter. My heart belongs to this wonderful club and its stinking, filthy, scumbag, pigdog president. My dream of proving myself on a rainy night at Stoke or some other freezing cold shit hole will have to wait.”

“It’s crazy,” said the 6 time Ballon d’Or winner. “People think that I would run away just because we are shite now. Well, it turns out that I legally can’t. Not that I want to, of course. But I fucking can’t.”

“I can’t,” repeated Messi, punching a hole in the plasterboard wall behind him.