How does it feel to officially be a Liverpool player?

I feel nothing.

Who did you support as a child in Osaka, Japan?

Everton and Manchester UTD.

Are you aware of Liverpool’s history?


Will you take time to learn about it now?

No. I’m a football player. Not some kind of history cunt.

What are your goals for the remainder of the season?

To make money and have the flute pulled off me by some fine-ass Liverpudlian snatch.

Will you take time to involve yourself in any local charities?


What message do you have for Liverpool fans?

Stay away from me. I don’t do autographs, so give me a wide berth when I’m out and about.